Give Choices Within Loving Boundaries
Children need boundaries, but they also need opportunities to think, choose, and develop independence.
Offering simple choices can give children an appropriate sense of control while parents maintain the necessary boundary. Instead of asking, “Do you want to get dressed?” when getting dressed is required, try saying, “Would you like to wear the blue shirt or the green shirt?” Instead of saying, “Are you ready to clean up?” try asking, “Would you like to pick up the books or the blocks first?” The expectation remains the same, but the child is allowed to participate in how it is completed.
Choices should be simple, safe, and appropriate for the child’s age. Too many options may become overwhelming, especially for younger children. Begin with two acceptable choices and be prepared to honor either answer.
Choices should also be genuine. Avoid offering an option that you cannot or will not allow. Giving children appropriate choices helps them practice decision making. It also teaches them that freedom and responsibility work together.
The Bible reminds us:
“Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.”
Proverbs 22:6
Training includes guidance, practice, encouragement, and gradually allowing children to take greater responsibility as they mature.
TRY THIS TODAY
Look for one safe opportunity to give your child a choice.
You might ask:
Would you like to brush your teeth before or after putting on your pajamas?
Would you like an apple or a banana with lunch?
Would you like to complete your reading or math homework first?
Would you like to walk beside me or hold my hand?
Would you like to calm down here or in your quiet space?
Remember that the parent sets the boundary while the child chooses between acceptable options.
EDUCATIONAL SUPPORT
The American Academy of Pediatrics explains that young children are beginning to develop independence and important life skills. Parents can encourage this growth through age appropriate responsibilities, routines, communication, and guided problem solving.
The Center on the Developing Child at Harvard University explains that children develop executive function and self regulation through supportive relationships, practice, and gradual movement from dependence toward independence.
Read more:
American Academy of Pediatrics: Growing Independence in Young Children
Harvard University: Executive Function Skills for Life and Learning
Loving boundaries provide direction, while appropriate choices help children learn how to make wise decisions.
